


Falling

by whiteink



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-07
Updated: 2011-12-07
Packaged: 2017-10-27 01:00:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteink/pseuds/whiteink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deeks's is ready to admit how he feels, the only problem is that Jack's back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

Tonight was going to be the night. It had to be. At least that’s what Deeks had been telling himself ever since he and Kensi had stopped at the burger place. Tonight he was going to suggest they go out one night as more then partners, more than friends.

He knew he had to ask, even if she laughed in his face, it would let him know where he stood. If she didn’t want to, he was sure he’d learn to deal with it. And at least he would know. But this dance the two of them, hovering over the idea, but never saying it was getting old.

They were halfway to her door when he saw the figure. Sitting on her doorstep was a hunched over figure. He touched Kensi’s shoulder just as she saw the figure. The both stopped for a moment, and Deeks was about to draw his gun when the figure looked up and Kensi started running toward him.

“Jack.”

That single word from Kensi made Deeks heart crash into his stomach. He watched as the figure stood and caught Kensi as she launched herself into his arms. He watched as she pulled away and punched his arm before wrapping her arms around him again. Turning away he pretended to not hear Kensi call his name.

He slipped into his car and drove without a destination in mind. Jack. The one person that Kensi had never gotten over. She had run to him, been happy to see him. Staying and meeting him, seeing what he wanted wasn’t something that Deeks was capable of. He didn’t have a right to fight for Kensi if she didn’t feel for him even half of what he felt for her. And he wasn’t going to ask with Jack standing right there.

He found himself pulling into the parking lot at the Mission without thinking about it. Shutting off his car, he leaned back in the driver’s seat and sighed. This was not how he had figured his night was going to go. Sitting in the silence he tried to decide his next move.

His passenger seat door opening startled him, and he turned to see Callen slipping in.

“Deeks,” he said with a nod. “Mind if I come in?”

Deeks shook his head.

“What are you doing sitting here this late?” Callen asked. “You and Kensi have a fight?”

“We went to dinner. I took her home. Jack was waiting for her.”

He heard Callen inhale sharply as silence took over in the car.

“Jack?” Callen asked finally. “Jack as in ex-fiancé, Jack?”

Deeks nodded. “Yup.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

“What did she do?”

“Ran to him. Hugged him, hit him on the shoulder and hugged him again,” Deeks shook his head. “Then I Ieft.”

Callen nodded. “Want to go get a drink?”

Deeks finally turned and looked at Callen. Meeting his eyes he saw a pain similar to his own. To Callen, Kensi was like a little sister. The idea of Jack being back didn’t sit any better with him, even if he didn’t fancy himself in love with her. With a nod, Deeks started up the car.

::::::

She felt her stomach drop as Deeks turned and walked away, if ever there was a time that she wanted her partner beside her, this was it. Taking a deep breath, she kept herself from running after him and begging him to stay. Turning back to Jack, she smiled up at him, waiting for him to explain himself.

“I know Doe, I’m sorry. I just left, and then nothing. And it was wrong, and I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t care,” he ran his fingers nervously through his short brown hair. “And I wanted to come back almost immediately. But I knew I couldn’t. I was destroying you by being with you, and even if it hurt to leave, we’d both be better in the end.”

She shook her head, trying to ignore the old nickname. “You left me. I thought you were dead. And now you just show up? All these years later?”

“I had to see you. I got help. And I’m better. And I wanted you to know,” he frowned and stared at his hands. “I woke up on Christmas morning stuck in a nightmare. I woke up, and I was leaning over you, and my hands were out, and I was going to choke you. You didn’t even know. You slept right through it, so trusting, you believed that nothing could hurt you. It scared me. And I ran.”

Kensi swallowed. She hadn’t been expecting such a confession. Pulling her key from her purse, she silently placed the lock in the door and ushered him inside, once again wishing Deeks were with her. He would know what to do, what to say, what was needed to make her feel better.

“I ran for years Doe. I thought if I just stayed alone, I would be better off. I thought you would be better off,” he paused and laughed nervously.

“Why are you here?” she asked finally.

“To tell you I’m sorry. To see that you’re ok. To find out if there’s any chance,” he paused and considered his words. “To see if there’s a chance.”

“Why now?” she asked, crossing her hands over her chest, the initial shock of seeing him wearing off, and the urge to kick him out getting stronger.

“Because I’m better. I’m not the man that left you. I found this counselor who changed everything. And with counseling and the right mix of drugs, I’m better. I feel like me again. And I missed you,” he held his hand out to her. “I want another chance Doe.”

Kensi chewed her lower lip as she thought about his words. Finally she nodded. “One date. That’s it. One chance. ”

Jack’s face lit up at her words, and he took a step toward her. He faltered for a moment when she didn’t uncross her arms, and in that instant Kensi felt herself remember who he was and now who he had become after the war. Dropping her arms she stepped into his embrace. He clung to her for a moment before letting go and stepping back.

“Tomorrow night?” he asked softly.

Kensi nodded. “That would be fine.”

“I’ll pick you up at seven,” he smiled at her. “Thanks Doe.”

She kept smiling until he turned and walked out the door. Closing it behind him, she stood in her living room feeling lost. Doe. His name for her. It sounded foreign on her ears. She hadn’t heard that name in years, and it didn’t feel like it fit anymore.

With a sigh, she dropped onto her sofa and turned on the TV. Jack hadn’t been more than a passing thought in years, and seeing him had thrown her. A part of her believed that maybe she could step back into the relationship that she once had with him. If he was better, there was nothing stopping them from being as great together as they used to be. But at the same time, she knew she wasn’t that person anymore. Doe had disappeared years ago. If anything, she was more like Fern then she was Doe anymore. Marty. She shook her head. She had been so sure he wanted to tell her something tonight, but he hadn’t gotten the chance. Then he just walked away. She was beginning to believe that she would never understand him. He should have stayed with her. He should have met Jack, decided for her if he seemed safe. For all Deeks knew, Jack was still crazy and was currently trying to kill her.

She bit back the tears that were quickly approaching as she gave into her anger. Just when she thought that maybe she could trust Deeks enough to let him in, he ran away. Rising from the sofa she grabbed a beer from the fridge and drank half of it without pausing. Setting the bottle down, she clenched her fingers around its neck until her knuckles turned white. She would show him. She’d prove to Deeks that he was right in walking away, because she didn’t need him. She didn’t need him at all.

::::::

Kensi walked into the Mission in the morning with a smile on her face. Deeks shot a look at Callen who gave a slight nod. He knew it was juvenile, but after a few hours of drinking the night before he had confessed his feelings for Kensi to Callen who surprised him by not only already knowing, but also supporting it. They had decided then that it would be Callen who would try to find out what was going on with Jack.

“Hey Kens,” Callen said with a smile. “You look especially happy today.”

She nodded and looked directly at Deeks as she answered Callen. “Yeah. I have a date tonight that I’m really excited about.”

“Really?” Callen asked. “Think you’ll get to the second date stage this time?”

The grin that she flashed at Callen’s question wasn’t lost on Deeks. She looked downright giddy, which didn’t make him feel any better.

“We’re already past the second date,” she said with a sly smile.

“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone,” Callen said softly, shooting a look at Deeks.

“An old friend,” she answered smoothly. “We used to be close, and he left for a while, but he’s back, and we decided last night to give our relationship a chance.”

Deeks stared at Callen who met his eyes and shrugged. With a sigh, Deeks threw himself against his chair and turned to Kensi.

“Why don’t you tell Callen who it is?” he asked. “Go ahead, tell him you’re hooking up with Jack tonight.”

Kensi turned to him, her eyes flashing in anger. “Because it’s no one’s business who I hook up with. And it’s not a hook up. It’s a date.”

“In other words, you already hooked up,” Deeks said narrowing his eyes, trying to ignore the nausea in his stomach.

“In other words, it’s not your business who I shared a bed with last night.”

“Fine,” he said standing. He swung his chair against his desk and stormed away.

“That’s it Deeks. Just walk away. That’s all you’re good for,” she called behind him.

He turned around and stared at her. “You would know what it looks like when someone walks away wouldn’t you?”

She stormed away in a huff as he stood in the middle of the room and watched her walk away. He turned back to Callen who met his frown.

“That could have gone better,” Callen said softly.

Deeks raked his hands through his hair. “I know. I don’t need a lecture.”

“Good. Cause Sam isn’t here to give you one, and he doesn’t know what’s going on anyways,” Callen said with a nod. “I’m on your side here ok Deeks? I don’t want her back with Jack anymore than you do.”

::::::

Useless partner Kensi thought angrily as she got ready for her date. She was thankful that they weren’t in the middle of a big case where she may have needed Deeks to have her back, because today she wasn’t sure that he would have.

She frowned into the mirror as she put on her eyeliner. That wasn’t fair. She knew that if she needed him to have her back on the job he would. Even mad, she still trusted him with that. He wouldn’t want to face the wrath of Hetty if he didn’t. If only he would have her back outside of work. But after last night, it seemed that all they would ever be was partners at work.

She stepped back and looked in the mirror. The dark green dress hung perfectly on her, and her loose hair and dark makeup was just the way that Jack had always liked. While one part of her expected tonight to be a disaster, the other part was hoping that maybe they could make it work.

He showed up on time, and looked even better than she had remembered. He looked like the Jack she knew before the war had changed him. Any nerves that she had quickly went away as he grinned at her and presented her with a bouquet of wildflowers.

She wasn’t surprised when he took her to their restaurant. She hadn’t been there in years, but the place hadn’t changed. They caught each other up on their lives over dinner, and she was happy to see that the conversation flowed easily.

It wasn’t until the night was over and they stood at her door that the conversation turned serious.

“This had gone well hasn’t it Kensi?” Jack asked hesitantly.

She nodded. “Better than I imagined.”

“So you think we have a chance?” Jack asked softly.

She looked at him, considering his words. Here was a man that wanted to be with her, that seemed to love her, even after knowing her for as long as he had. Yes, he had left, but he had been broken, and now was better. She thought about what he was asking.

She could see herself waking up beside him, planning a wedding, talking about babies. She shook her head. She didn’t have to imagine it; she had already done all of that with him. With a frown, she shook her head.

“I can’t,” she whispered, the words taking her by surprise.

Jack nodded. “Is there someone else? Maybe the guy walking you to your door last night?”

“That’s not it,” she bit her lip and looked down at her hands. “I’m just not the girl that you used to know. I’m not Doe anymore. And I can’t be her again. I’m sorry.”

He stared silently at the ground, and she began to back away, worried what he was going to do. He could just be thinking, she hoped he was just thinking, but there was always a chance he was going to snap and become the man that returned from the war. He had been fine all night, but that fear was still inside her.

“I’m not going to hurt you if that’s what you’re worried about Doe. I’m angry, but not at you. I’m just angry at the way things turned out. I wish they could be different.”

She nodded. “Me too.”

“If you ever change your mind,” he trailed off.

“I won’t,” she said with certainty.

“But if you do. Or even if you don’t but you just need to talk to an old friend. I’ll always be here for you,” he said softly.

She nodded. “Thank you.”

“And tell that guy from last night that I said he’s one lucky guy.”

She shook her head. “He’s just my partner.”

“The way he was looking at you? The way he looked at me? He’s interested in being more than your partner,” he said with a sad smile.

Kensi nodded. “Night Jack. And thanks.”

She stood outside and watched him drive away. Pulling out her phone, she checked the time. It was still relatively early, and she knew Deeks would be up. She needed to talk to him. When he didn’t answer, she called a second time, and then a third. By the fourth time it was apparent that he wasn’t going to answer.

Sticking her key in the lock, she opened the door and dropped her phone on the coffee table. He was infuriating. She needed him, and he was ignoring her calls. Typical Deeks. She shook her head as she grabbed a bottle of vodka from her kitchen cabinet. It wasn’t typical of Deeks, that was the problem. It was actually her fault. She had ticked him off, and now she was paying the consequences.

She spun the cap off the bottle and brought it to her lips. Stupid partner. One swig. Stupid ex. A second swig. Setting down the bottle she contemplated finding a shot glass so she could measure every stupid thing in her life. No sense in measuring she thought with a shrug, if she did she could drink the bottle without running out of things to measure. Grabbing the bottle, she let the clear liquid swirl around in the bottle. Stupid relationships, and feelings, and love. Three more drinks, and she paused to stare at the bottle. Stupid bottle. She wasn’t sure why it was stupid. Maybe because it was only half full.

The bottle was almost empty by the time she ran out of stupid things. She stood slowly, wavering on her legs. Stupid legs. She finished the bottle and dropped it to the floor. She would get it in the morning. Blinking, she noted the darkness of the house and grabbed her phone, holding it up as a flashlight. She grinned to herself. Why bother with electricity when a phone was easier.

She didn’t remember the hall to her bedroom being so long. She was glad for the narrow hallway as she tried to navigate a straight line. The walls thankfully held her up. At least the walls weren’t stupid.

Stumbling into her bedroom she dropped her phone on the dresser and started to wiggle out of her nylons as she pulled her dress off over her head. She felt the room tilt as her legs tangled themselves in her nylons. She pitched forward and tried to catch herself on the dresser. With a gasp of pain she realized too late that her hands were trapped in her dress. Crashing against the dresser she heard a crack as pain spread through her chest. With a groan she hit the floor and finally got her arms free from the dress.

Running a hand over her ribs she gasp in pain. Broken. Stupid ribs. She looked to the left and saw her phone in the floor. She must have knocked it on the ground when she fell. Trying to take a breath, she grabbed for the phone and hit redial. Stupid voicemail.

She could feel a darkness creeping over her. Maybe she would try to call someone after she got some rest. As her eyes drifted shut, she knew she couldn’t sleep. She took a shallow breath and focused on her phone. One button speed dial, she pressed the button and heard it ringing. She thought she heard someone answer, but she didn’t have the energy to tell them why she was calling. Maybe when she woke up.

::::::

“How is she?” Deeks asked, looking at Callen with wide eyes.

“Minus one hell of a hangover and a lot of pain, she’ll be fine.” Callen said calmly.

“What happened?” Deeks asked, running his hand through his hair.

Callen shrugged. “It’s Kensi. From what I can piece together, she had too much to drink, tripped, and broke her ribs. The pressure from the fall made her lung collapse.”

“It’s my fault.” Deeks said softly.

Callen shook his head. “I doubt that. Like I said, it’s Kensi. She’s impulsive, and on occasion, a danger to herself.”

“She called me earlier. A bunch of times. And I let them all got voicemail. Then she called later tonight, and even though it was late, and it’s not like her to call that late, I still ignored it,” he turned, and looked at Callen. “She called because she needed me. And I ignored her. I’m the worst partner ever.”

“You two weren’t on duty. She wasn’t attacked by a suspect. It’s not your fault.” Callen said with a sad smile.

“Jack could have been attacking her.” Deeks said with a frown. “I should have answered my phone. She needed me and I ignored her. I was too jealous to be a good partner. I shouldn’t have let my feelings get in the way.”

“That doesn’t make you a bad partner.” Callen said gently. “What happened had nothing to do with how you work together. It had to do with how you feel about each other. And that’s something you both need to talk about.”

The nurse chose that moment to step out of Kensi’s room. Deeks looked at her, his eyes wide as he tried to keep himself from attacking her for news.

“She’s waking up if you want to see her. She’ll be fine, but we’re going to keep her overnight for observation. As long as nothing goes wrong, she can go home tomorrow afternoon. She’ll be a few weeks recovering, but there’s no reason she can’t that at home.” She said with a smile.

Deeks looked nervously at Callen. “Maybe you should go in alone.”

“Nope,” Callen said shaking his head. “You’re up. Go see her.”

Deeks nodded his thanks and stepped toward the room, scared of what he would find. She was lying almost peacefully in bed, not yet completely awake, and if Deeks blocked out the surrounding hospital equipment she almost looked fine.

He sat down in the chair beside her bed, and softly touched her hand. He watched as she opened her eyes and looked at him. Silently she turned her hand over, lacing her fingers through his before shutting her eyes again.

He looked down in wonder at their hands. He hadn’t expected her to feel up to yelling at him, but he did expect her to be angry. Instead she welcomed his touch. Running his thumb over her fingers he smiled sadly, wishing the night hadn’t turned out this way.

His eyes were just drifting shut when he felt her squeeze his hand. Opening his eyes he smiled at her.

“I’m sorry Kens,” he said softly.

“I feel like hell Deeks. What did you do?” she asked weakly.

He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t remember?”

“I remember trying to call you. And I remember a bottle of vodka.”

“I wasn’t there for you Kensi. I’m sorry, I should have been. And I will be. I’ll be there until your better. Or until you don’t want me.”

“Deeks. I’m serious. What happened? Besides you not answering your phone.”

“You fell. And broke some ribs. Then your lung collapsed from the impact.”

“You saved me?” she asked softly.

He shook his head. “Callen did. I didn’t answer my phone, and you called him before you passed out. He saved you. I’m sorry Kensi, I should have answered my phone.”

She squeezed his hand. “I don’t blame you. I was stupid.”

“I should have answered my phone baby girl. You could have died.”

She managed a weak smile. “I wouldn’t have let that happen. I’m stronger than you.”

He laughed. “You are. But I still should have your back.”

“You gonna follow me around all the time?” she asked softly.

“I’m thinking about it.” he said. “It’s obvious that you need me.”

“I need sleep,” she said, her eyes drifting shut.

He ran his hand up her arm. “Close your eyes. Get some sleep.”

“You staying?” she asked, almost asleep.

He looked down at her and took her hand back in his. He shifted his chair until he was closer to her bed. Leaning his head on her bed, he squeezed her hand. “I’m staying Fern. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

::::::

Kensi awoke in the morning with a groan. Every part of her body hurt, and her fingers were numb. Cracking her eyes open she saw Deeks asleep with his head on her bed, and his hand holding hers. Memories of the previous night came flooding back, and for a moment Kensi wanted to die. Getting drunk and tripping over her own feet was not a good reason to end up in the hospital. If she was lucky, she would die before the guys could tease her about it.

She twisted her hand carefully, trying to pull it out of Deeks’s grasp. When his hand tightened around hers, she looked over at him. Calm blue eyes met hers and she could feel the blush rising in her cheeks.

“Morning Fern,” he said softly as his thumb stroked her hand. “Sleep well?”

“I feel like crap.”

“Yeah. A bottle of vodka and some broken bones will do that to a person.”

She nodded and stared at the wall. He was never going to let her live this down.

He squeezed her hand again. “Look at me Fern.”

She shook her head, her eyes remaining fixed as she stared at the chipped paint on the while hospital walls.

“I’m sorry Fern. I’m sorry for being a jerk yesterday, and for ignoring your calls. It’s my fault that you’re in here. If I had answered my phone the first time you called, we could have avoided this,” he grinned. “I’d have still woken up beside you, but we’d have been in your messy apartment instead of here.”

She finally tore her eyes away from the wall. “Woken up together?”

He nodded. “We’ll talk once we get you home. But yes, we’d have woken up together.”

“You’re very sure of yourself.”

He frowned. “I could have lost you last night baby girl. Because I was stupid. And I decided after Callen called me and told me he rushed you to the ER, it changed things. And I don’t know where things stand with Jack, but I’m not letter you go that easy.”

“Jack’s not in the picture,” she said softly and she watched the smile fall across his face. “He’s not a bad guy. But we’re too different. I need someone that understands me, and he’s too much of my past to understand who I am now.”

Deeks ran his finger across her wrist, and she shivered at the touch. “I understand you Fern.”

She smiled and nodded her head gently, wincing at the pain it caused. “Yes, you do.”

::::::

All he had wanted was to take her home. Instead he was butting heads with Hetty. As if what Kensi had done wasn’t bad enough, he couldn’t believe that Callen had called Hetty to tell her.

“I’m taking her home Hetty.” Deeks said, standing beside Kensi’s bed. “It’s my fault she’s here. I’ll take responsibility. And I’m going to be the one to take care of her.

Hetty nodded. “Contrary to what you think Mr. Deeks, it is not your fault. Kensi is the one that drank too much and got herself hurt. You are correct however in the fact that you will be the one taking care of her.”

“Then why are you trying to send me home?” he asked, feeling more tired than he should.

“If you are going to watch her, you will need to stay with her. I assume you do not have any of your things at her place. You need to go home and pack a bag Mr. Deeks.” Hetty shooed at him. “Now go. I will keep Miss Blye company until you return. She and I have a few things to discuss.”

He nodded at Hetty and turned to his partner. Leaning in he softly kissed her cheek. “I’ll be back to spring you free soon.”

She nodded and smiled sadly. He didn’t blame her. Talking with Hetty about the previous night was not going to be fun.

He made a quick run back to his apartment and threw a collecting of items in a duffle bag. Looking back in his closet he grabbed a couple of extra button down shirts. Kensi was not going to be able to pull on t-shirts for a few days, and he was sure none of her shirts would be loose enough to get on easily.

He made a quick stop at the grocery store and stocked up Kensi’s favorite snacks. He was determined, whatever she wanted or needed, he would be able to give her. He figured she’d be fine with ordering delivery for a few days if she didn’t have anything for him to cook with, but he was sure that she wouldn’t want to be without her comfort foods, and he wasn’t going to leave her alone for a few days to make a store run.

He returned to the hospital just in time to see Hetty step out of her room. As he started for her door, Hetty stopped him. “Mr. Hanna is in with her now. You can take her home after he reads her the riot act.”

“Isn’t that what you did?” he asked. “She doesn’t need to hear it twice.”

“No, that is not what we discussed Mr. Deeks. I spoke to her about something of a more personal nature. And I’m going to speak to you as well.”

Deeks nodded. “Ok.”

“You and Miss Blye are attracted to each other are you not?” Hetty asked softly.

“I think I’m in love with her Hetty.”

“Think? Or know, Mr. Deeks?” she probed.

“Know. I know that I’m in love with her Hetty. And if I have to leave the team, and go back to LAPD just to be with her, I would.”

Hetty shook her head. “You do not need to do something quite that drastic. All you need to do is tell her.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say? No lecture about dating your partner, or about how a mission can go wrong?” he asked, not quite believing what he was hearing.

“You both know the dangers. And if it gets in the way of a case, I will split you up. Professionally. But I have always known Mr. Deeks. That is why I chose you to be her partner.”

He grinned at Hetty. “Really? You’re ok with it? With us?”

She gave a soft chuckle as she nodded. “I am more than ok Mr. Deeks. Now you go find the nurse and tell her Miss Byle is ready to be discharged into your care. I will fill out the paperwork for both of you. You will be on leave with her until she is ready to come back. Use your time wisely.”

Deeks nodded. “I will Hetty. Thanks.”

::::::

“You sure you don’t want to lie down in bed?” Deeks asked softly.

Kensi nodded and she looked at the sofa, trying to figure out how to ease her way down onto it. “I’m sure. I just took a pain pill, and I just want watch some TV for a while. And the TV in the bedroom isn’t hooked up to the DVR.”

“I think you’d be more comfortable in the bedroom.”

Kensi rolled her eyes. “Are you going to be like this until I’m better Deeks?”

“Marty,” he said softly as he sat down on the sofa.

“What?”

“It’s Marty,” he repeated as he gently ran his fingers down her back. “Let me at least help you get comfortable here.”

She smiled. “Thank you. Marty.”

She shook her head at the sound of his first name. It sounded strange on her lips, but it also sounded nice. She let him help her onto the sofa and smiled when he pulled her against him. She leaned against his chest, wiggling around until she was comfortable.

“You good?” he asked, running his hands down her arms.

“Good,” she said with a nod. “And ready for some trashy reality TV.”

Deeks laughed, his breath tickling her ear. She shook her head, shifting against him. “Thank you Deeks.”

“For what?”

“For being here. For being my partner. For putting up with me.”

He wrapped his arms around her. “You’re stuck with me. For now while you get better, and after, for as long as you can stand it.”

“What if I can stand it for a really long time?” she whispered, her eyes sliding shut as the pain pill started to kick in.

“That’s what I’m hoping for,” he said softly, placing a kiss on the back of her head. “Get some sleep. There will be plenty of time to talk later.”


End file.
